Sunday, January 11, 2015

one.

Posted by Jordyn Williams at 4:24 PM 0 comments
i may not post every photo on here, but i should at least give you the first one. i might start a separate page/blog specifically for this project. i haven't decided yet and when i do, i'll let you know.

so this is my new start.


jrw

https://www.flickr.com/photos/jordynrene/16257320915/

a new start

Posted by Jordyn Williams at 4:17 PM 0 comments
i have decided to begin a self-portrait challenge for myself. it scares me more to post this on the internet than it does to actually do it because now there are those of you who expect me to take a self-portrait every day. great! in all honesty, i want to do this challenge to better myself with my new camera and also work on loving myself more.

unfortunately society has taken this whole "selfies" thing to an extreme and now it's all duck faces and peace signs. i remember time before this fad and it was beautiful. gorgeous self-portraits from beautiful people. now, i'm not saying selfies are bad! i still take a selfie every now and then, but on the photography point-of-view, i miss the deep emotions and stories that come from self-portraits. while i admit that some of my self-portraits won't portray deep emotions, i do hope to share something of myself with the world. i want to learn new things about myself, too. this will definitely be a challenge, but i'm very excited to jump in! i haven't given myself a deadline...instead i'm going to push myself and see where i end up.

here are a few self-portraits that have inspired me. some are old and some are new, but i love each the same for different reasons.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/sarahvannortwick/6882551940/

https://www.flickr.com/photos/sarahvannortwick/5644004461/
                
https://www.flickr.com/photos/crashbangsqueak/5202117945/

https://www.flickr.com/photos/alliehine/6845590846/

https://www.flickr.com/photos/gracekathleen/12024756934/

https://www.flickr.com/photos/gracekathleen/8364118210/

http://www.zackahern.com/conceptual/h7rjjpdkp01sjhqk3siu35ynchidh2



jrw

Sunday, January 4, 2015

new year, new hopes

Posted by Jordyn Williams at 10:16 PM 0 comments
my Christmas break was very successful! i got to spend time with my crazy family, which was much needed. it was hard to leave today. i was happy to go through all of our Christmas traditions with everyone at home together. the main (and newest) tradition is that of watching a movie called The Christmas Card. don't take this Hallmark move for granted...it is the BEST and although it's corny at times, it made me bawl at the end for the first time this Christmas. mainly because i was already emotional, but it is just so sweet! anyway, along with my family's traditions, i got to spend Christmas with Levi's family and was introduced to a few of their traditions. i think we made one up this year, which is playing spoons. Levi's family now knows of my extremely competitive side seeing as how I flung myself across the coffee table to wrestle for a spoon. oops. :)

the break was filled with all sorts of emotions and whatnot. i even got attacked by a 24 hour stomach bug that had me emptying my insides for a good 5 hours. but, other than that, it was a break that i definitely needed. i wish it wasn't over.

on the bright side, i start a new journey tomorrow that i'm pretty excited about. i start work as a gymnastics instructor at Metro Gymnastics. i'll be teaching preschoolers. i was a gymnast for about 7 years (off and on after that, too) and then taught preschoolers-high schoolers for about 5 years until my family moved to Cookson. i loved it then and i know i will love it now. i had been out of work for too long and that really stressed me out. i ran out of money multiple times and i hate nothing more than the loss of control of my bank account. then out of the blue, i found a job listing for Metro and sent in an application right away. i heard back from them the day after and they were so thrilled to interview me. everyone was very welcoming and excited that i was joining the team. their main philosophy is that no matter what, they want the kids to have FUN and also teach them practical life skills. i think it will be a nurturing place for me to work. the pay is very nice, too. yay for gas and mac and cheese!

along with all of that, i start my fourth year of college on the 12th. not looking too forward to that, but at least i am NOT taking 22 hours this time! (somehow managed to get all A's and B's with 22 hours...) i will be taking 16 hours instead. i'll be working at Metro monday-friday. mornings will be spent there, the afternoons spent in class, and then the evenings back at Metro. i'll still be pretty busy, but at least i shouldn't have a huge homework load and won't have SIX finals to go crazy over. i'm taking creative writing, psychology of grief, biology, darkroom photography, and digital photography. seems decent enough. i say that now, but we'll see! i'm at least excited about all except biology. i will have two semesters left after this one. so close....

well, i figured i would give those of you who read my blog a little update. this new year seems to be starting out really great and i've been very blessed by God with absolutely everything.



jrw

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

my blessing

Posted by Jordyn Williams at 6:36 PM 0 comments
we take a lot of things for granted. especially people. i'm going to get slightly mushy in this post so stop reading if you're normally like me and can't handle people talking about their significant other. i'm normally like that. it's annoying and a few take it way too far. no, i really would rather not see you eat each other's faces on social media.

however, something has recently happened that opened my eyes to how truly blessed i am with my boyfriend. (do not ever tell him i wrote this. he'd kill me. in a nice way, of course.)

throughout our relationship, i began to take things for granted. i didn't truly realize this until a few weeks ago when i was told of how a boyfriend treats his girlfriend. it's not anything how i would describe love and they aren't together anymore, but for a while the girlfriend took all the crap and called it love. there was no physical abuse and there was a connection between the two, but it was more of the fact that there was a lack of a lot of other things. important things. such as an, "i love you" every day.

hearing about all of this, i couldn't help but let my heart smile because God has placed an amazing man in my life. a man who understands my needs better than i do and delivers. there are things i need that my boyfriend has provided me that i didn't even think i needed!

i receive an "i love you" every day. multiple times a day.
i get good morning and goodnight texts.
i am bought dinner even when there isn't any money to spare.
i am encouraged daily that i'm beautiful, strong, and worth it.
i am encouraged to continue my bible reading/bible journaling.
i get texts 24/7 from my best friend even though he would be okay with a few, but he knows that i need them.
i am always supported with my future and anything else i want to do.
i am praised when i get a good grade and even when i get a bad one because i did the best that i could.
i get virtual kisses over facetime even though we both look absolutely ridiculous pursing our lips to a phone. (seriously, don't tell him about this blog post.)
i am told that i'm missed.
i am told that i am a wonderful and talented woman.
i am told that if i want something done, i need to get off my butt and do it myself.
i am told that i am a blessing and that the wait is always so long for the Lord to put me back in his arms again.
i am told that i am not a princess... i am a queen.

the list could go on and on. i could talk for days. this is my boyfriend. i cannot believe how lucky i am. this is amazing to me. i do take him for granted at times and i know i'm not the only one in the world that struggles with that. we have so many people in our lives that are truly amazing human beings and we are blinded by that. for me i was blinded by normality. i believed all of those things on my list were normal. every guy acts that way for his girl. no. that is such a false statement and i see it every day now. yes, all women should be treated this way, but not all are so lucky. there are great guys out there who don't do everything on my list and that doesn't make them horrible boyfriends. i'm simply saying that i am so, so blessed by having my boyfriend and that he knows, understands, and acknowledges my needs and fulfills them even when sometimes it's impossible.



jrw

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

finally asking why

Posted by Jordyn Williams at 10:36 PM 1 comments
in january of 2013, my mom was diagnosed with non-hodgkin lymphoma. it has been a little less than 15 months since the ending of her chemo treatment. she went in for her routine 3 month checkup and told the doctors about an enlarged lymph node she noticed on her neck. the doctors didn't seem too concerned, but are taking the necessary precautions because there is the possibility of the cancer coming back.

when my parents told me that my mom was diagnosed back in 2013, i was so crushed. i mean, you can all imagine (or know) what it would be like to be told that your mom, sister, dad, brother, etc. has cancer. it's really soul-shattering. you feel like you've just entered into a slow motion sequence with emptiness all around you. i don't think i'll ever really understand how my mom was the strongest one out of all of us during that time and even now. she's always been the glue and continued being the glue even then. she leaned on God more than anyone i've known in a situation as scary as that. it was incredible, and still is, to see.

i think it was easier for me to handle all of this since i was two hours away at college. i was distant from it. i wasn't there to see my mom tired from chemo treatment and i wasn't there to experience the day-to-day life she was going through. i think that was a good thing and a bad thing. it was a good thing because i don't know how strong i would've been if i was there. i don't think i would have been much of a help to the family. it was a bad thing because i feel like i really missed out on a lot. i feel like it wasn't as scary for me because i wasn't there and i'm not sure i like that. i maybe take certain things for granted when i know i shouldn't because of that situation. it makes me feel bad. since the issue wasn't in my face every day, i sometimes ignored it. maybe that was me coping, but i'm ashamed to say that that's just how it was for me. and yes, i was going through a lot at the time to keep me distracted. i was at a tough bible college and rehearsing as the lead in Singin' in the Rain. i did have distractions and ways to forget. i don't know. this is still something i'm trying to sort out.

so now this time is different. i feel a lot more emotionally tied to the situation. what if this enlarged lymph node is the cancer again? i've cried about it. who wouldn't? probably my mom because she's insanely optimistic, but she needs to be. i never really asked why my mom got cancer in the first place. it happens. evil exists and good people run into tough things because of it. it happens. i understood that and i still do. but why in the world does this have to happen again? didn't we just make it through? didn't this just get buried in the ground? why again? and why am i still stuck at school where i can't be at home with my family? so much about this isn't fair. and yes, maybe it's nothing and the cancer hasn't relapsed. that would be a huge blessing. but what if? it's just really hard for me to think about.

i'm here at school. three hours away with 22 hours, struggling to find a job, dealing with the stress of a new major, feeling like i don't have many friends around me, still in a long-distance relationship, and not able to be at home when my mom may have cancer again. the first time was bad enough, but now? i feel so weighed down and i can't even do anything about it. i have to stay at school, i have to complete and pass my 22 hours, i have to continue searching for a job, i have to figure out my new major, i have to continue on even if i feel alone in the social world, and i have to continue the extra efforts to keep working on my long-distance relationship. i know i sound selfish because it seems like i'm saying that my mom having cancer is just another stress to add, but it's not like that. it's the fact that i have all of this life to keep working on that i can't just leave behind so i can be with my family. it's hard.

i know God has this in the bag. my faith is just a little weak in this moment. i'm very tired and i'm frustrated with a lot of things. i want my family to be healthy and clear of any risks. and when i know i can't control that...it makes me sad.

i understand this isn't the most uplifting post i've ever written, but who in this world has a good day every day? i need to let this stuff out too. i'll be fine, but please pray for my family. pray for my mom's test results and pray that God's will be done. sometimes i hate saying that because what if His will involves relapse cancer? but it is what it is. i may not be at a very good place right now, but i will be. i need time to rest, pray, and spend time with God. and my family.


jrw

Saturday, September 13, 2014

proverbs 18:10

Posted by Jordyn Williams at 10:33 AM 0 comments
yesterday, my sister and i made the three hour journey home so that i could go to a doctor's appointment and we could see our family. it rained the whole way there and my jeep is known to have some issues with wet weather. we were about three miles from home and driving on the infamous "Kansas Hill," which is the curviest road i've ever driven on. on the last sharp turn, i barely braked to slow us down a bit, but the tires skid on the slick road and caused us to start skidding toward the side of the road where there was a cliff drop-off. i let go of the brake, but the car was still skidding and the backend swung around and slammed into the embankment on the opposite side of the road. my sister and i are just fine with some minor headaches from the impact. we definitely panicked and i kept saying, "it's okay...it's okay."

there were a total of three cars that stopped to ask if we were okay. one van had two men in it and they made sure we were fine and knew that our parents were coming so they went on their way. two other vehicles stopped and started calling the police and slowing down traffic. one man was the nicest man in the world and went up the hill to direct traffic since we were in such a blind spot area. the police showed up, two ambulances, the fire department... it was a mess. the jeep was stuck pretty good in the ditch and up onto the embankment. after about an hour of figuring out what needed to be done and a trip into the ambulance to make sure my sister and i were okay, the kind man offered to use his truck to pull my jeep out. the one thing we were all scared of was if the jeep was going to be drivable or not. the way it looked wasn't too good. underneath the back tires, it all looked bent, but he got the jeep out and my dad drove it home without a problem. the back bumper is a little sad looking...but i'm able to take it back to school.

i wasn't fully aware of how serious the situation was until after i got home. something seriously horrible could have happened. there could have been an oncoming car, which i would have hit. the airbags could have gone off and probably seriously injured my sister and me who weigh nothing. we could have gone off the cliff. jenifer could have been injured. i just kept thinking of all of these things that could have happened and i cried a good while about it. i was scared, embarrassed, emotional, anxious. i didn't get any sleep last night at all and i needed my mom to drive me to my doctor's appointment because i was terrified to get back behind the wheel.

then i keep being reminded that God saved us. He saved us BIG TIME. He made sure we didn't go off the cliff, He made sure there wasn't any traffic behind or in front of us, He kept jenifer and me safe from harm, and He saved the vehicle. everything was in God's hands. yes, the situation was bad and not fair, but bad things happen to good people because there is evil in this world. God made sure the evil didn't take us and i am so glad He did. we are alive and untouched because our Lord put His hand on our vehicle.

which brings me to my next bible journaling verse.

"the name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into and is safe." proverbs 18:10.

there will be horrible events in life that seem unfair. there will be scary events. we can either go through these times without God and be controlled by the evil or we can run to God's arms and be protected through His grace during the bad. yesterday was a good reminder of how i need to put my faith in God and trust that He will bring me to safety through everything. i can't imagine going through yesterday without Him.


jrw




Thursday, September 11, 2014

1 corinthians 14:33

Posted by Jordyn Williams at 5:59 PM 0 comments
my mom recently introduced me to this facebook group called journaling bible community. thousands of women are members of this group with more being introduced by the hour. this is a group of Christian women who doodle all sorts of beautiful things in their bibles. some bibles are normal ones, but i was introduced to a note-takers bible, which has margins on the sides of the page big enough to write notes. i received my new bible a few days ago, but only had time today to work in it. many people choose a verse that pops out at them and then they draw, write, etc. whatever they feel God is speaking to them. it's really beautiful.

the verse that i chose is my favorite verse, which is 1 corinthians 14:33. this became my favorite verse when i was a junior in high school. my family moved to a small town called kansas, oklahoma where a ministry called cookson hills christian ministries is located. this ministry is a small Christian campus that offers help, hope, and healing to children and families in crisis. basically, if there are children/teens in trouble or are needing to be removed from a bad situation, they are placed at cookson into homes where strong Christian parents reside as house parents. you can read more about it here: https://www.cooksonhills.org/. my parents had grown up knowing and hearing about cookson through their churches and the same with me and my siblings. i wasn't the happiest 16 year old when we moved there, but my parents knew that God was calling them to join this ministry. i had a very hard first five months until i finally started to open up and make friends. cookson changed my life for the better.

there was a woman there named linda and she was my english teacher for the two years that i attended the school that was on cookson's campus. i remember i was having the absolute worst day any 16 year old could have and i walked into english where linda had written another verse on the board behind her desk. she did this every single day. some days the verses wouldn't make sense to me and some days they would. the verse that day made me cry.

"for God is not the author of confusion, but of peace." 

such a tiny, simple verse, but oh it hit me hard. i believe we all take this tiny passage for granted. do you understand it? God...your God...is not the author of confusion. God doesn't put the confusion, worry, and stress into your life. the ugly prince of this world does. God may see the bigger picture at times and we only see a portion, which can lead to confusion and question, but in the end we always see peace as the result. no matter what the situation may be. i've never been in a confusing state of mind or situation that has been left open ended or that has been crushed. it may be years down the road where i realize that, yes, i was brought peace, but the peace is always there.

i'm rambling, but this is so important to me. God is the pure Author of peace.

linda passed away quite recently and i still bless her to this day for bringing this verse into my life. linda was one of the most amazing women i have gotten the chance to know. she was such a strong believer and follower of Christ. she constantly encouraged me and every other person that crossed her path. she encouraged and prayed for my mom when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. linda was the one to tell my family and me that everything was going to be just fine because God was in control. she had His peace like no other. her passing was sudden and i was in shock, but the first thing that came to my mind was that God brought her the peace that she needed.


jrw


 

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