my blessing

we take a lot of things for granted. especially people. i'm going to get slightly mushy in this post so stop reading if you're normally like me and can't handle people talking about their significant other. i'm normally like that. it's annoying and a few take it way too far. no, i really would rather not see you eat each other's faces on social media.

however, something has recently happened that opened my eyes to how truly blessed i am with my boyfriend. (do not ever tell him i wrote this. he'd kill me. in a nice way, of course.)

throughout our relationship, i began to take things for granted. i didn't truly realize this until a few weeks ago when i was told of how a boyfriend treats his girlfriend. it's not anything how i would describe love and they aren't together anymore, but for a while the girlfriend took all the crap and called it love. there was no physical abuse and there was a connection between the two, but it was more of the fact that there was a lack of a lot of other things. important things. such as an, "i love you" every day.

hearing about all of this, i couldn't help but let my heart smile because God has placed an amazing man in my life. a man who understands my needs better than i do and delivers. there are things i need that my boyfriend has provided me that i didn't even think i needed!

i receive an "i love you" every day. multiple times a day.
i get good morning and goodnight texts.
i am bought dinner even when there isn't any money to spare.
i am encouraged daily that i'm beautiful, strong, and worth it.
i am encouraged to continue my bible reading/bible journaling.
i get texts 24/7 from my best friend even though he would be okay with a few, but he knows that i need them.
i am always supported with my future and anything else i want to do.
i am praised when i get a good grade and even when i get a bad one because i did the best that i could.
i get virtual kisses over facetime even though we both look absolutely ridiculous pursing our lips to a phone. (seriously, don't tell him about this blog post.)
i am told that i'm missed.
i am told that i am a wonderful and talented woman.
i am told that if i want something done, i need to get off my butt and do it myself.
i am told that i am a blessing and that the wait is always so long for the Lord to put me back in his arms again.
i am told that i am not a princess... i am a queen.

the list could go on and on. i could talk for days. this is my boyfriend. i cannot believe how lucky i am. this is amazing to me. i do take him for granted at times and i know i'm not the only one in the world that struggles with that. we have so many people in our lives that are truly amazing human beings and we are blinded by that. for me i was blinded by normality. i believed all of those things on my list were normal. every guy acts that way for his girl. no. that is such a false statement and i see it every day now. yes, all women should be treated this way, but not all are so lucky. there are great guys out there who don't do everything on my list and that doesn't make them horrible boyfriends. i'm simply saying that i am so, so blessed by having my boyfriend and that he knows, understands, and acknowledges my needs and fulfills them even when sometimes it's impossible.



jrw

finally asking why

in january of 2013, my mom was diagnosed with non-hodgkin lymphoma. it has been a little less than 15 months since the ending of her chemo treatment. she went in for her routine 3 month checkup and told the doctors about an enlarged lymph node she noticed on her neck. the doctors didn't seem too concerned, but are taking the necessary precautions because there is the possibility of the cancer coming back.

when my parents told me that my mom was diagnosed back in 2013, i was so crushed. i mean, you can all imagine (or know) what it would be like to be told that your mom, sister, dad, brother, etc. has cancer. it's really soul-shattering. you feel like you've just entered into a slow motion sequence with emptiness all around you. i don't think i'll ever really understand how my mom was the strongest one out of all of us during that time and even now. she's always been the glue and continued being the glue even then. she leaned on God more than anyone i've known in a situation as scary as that. it was incredible, and still is, to see.

i think it was easier for me to handle all of this since i was two hours away at college. i was distant from it. i wasn't there to see my mom tired from chemo treatment and i wasn't there to experience the day-to-day life she was going through. i think that was a good thing and a bad thing. it was a good thing because i don't know how strong i would've been if i was there. i don't think i would have been much of a help to the family. it was a bad thing because i feel like i really missed out on a lot. i feel like it wasn't as scary for me because i wasn't there and i'm not sure i like that. i maybe take certain things for granted when i know i shouldn't because of that situation. it makes me feel bad. since the issue wasn't in my face every day, i sometimes ignored it. maybe that was me coping, but i'm ashamed to say that that's just how it was for me. and yes, i was going through a lot at the time to keep me distracted. i was at a tough bible college and rehearsing as the lead in Singin' in the Rain. i did have distractions and ways to forget. i don't know. this is still something i'm trying to sort out.

so now this time is different. i feel a lot more emotionally tied to the situation. what if this enlarged lymph node is the cancer again? i've cried about it. who wouldn't? probably my mom because she's insanely optimistic, but she needs to be. i never really asked why my mom got cancer in the first place. it happens. evil exists and good people run into tough things because of it. it happens. i understood that and i still do. but why in the world does this have to happen again? didn't we just make it through? didn't this just get buried in the ground? why again? and why am i still stuck at school where i can't be at home with my family? so much about this isn't fair. and yes, maybe it's nothing and the cancer hasn't relapsed. that would be a huge blessing. but what if? it's just really hard for me to think about.

i'm here at school. three hours away with 22 hours, struggling to find a job, dealing with the stress of a new major, feeling like i don't have many friends around me, still in a long-distance relationship, and not able to be at home when my mom may have cancer again. the first time was bad enough, but now? i feel so weighed down and i can't even do anything about it. i have to stay at school, i have to complete and pass my 22 hours, i have to continue searching for a job, i have to figure out my new major, i have to continue on even if i feel alone in the social world, and i have to continue the extra efforts to keep working on my long-distance relationship. i know i sound selfish because it seems like i'm saying that my mom having cancer is just another stress to add, but it's not like that. it's the fact that i have all of this life to keep working on that i can't just leave behind so i can be with my family. it's hard.

i know God has this in the bag. my faith is just a little weak in this moment. i'm very tired and i'm frustrated with a lot of things. i want my family to be healthy and clear of any risks. and when i know i can't control that...it makes me sad.

i understand this isn't the most uplifting post i've ever written, but who in this world has a good day every day? i need to let this stuff out too. i'll be fine, but please pray for my family. pray for my mom's test results and pray that God's will be done. sometimes i hate saying that because what if His will involves relapse cancer? but it is what it is. i may not be at a very good place right now, but i will be. i need time to rest, pray, and spend time with God. and my family.


jrw

proverbs 18:10

yesterday, my sister and i made the three hour journey home so that i could go to a doctor's appointment and we could see our family. it rained the whole way there and my jeep is known to have some issues with wet weather. we were about three miles from home and driving on the infamous "Kansas Hill," which is the curviest road i've ever driven on. on the last sharp turn, i barely braked to slow us down a bit, but the tires skid on the slick road and caused us to start skidding toward the side of the road where there was a cliff drop-off. i let go of the brake, but the car was still skidding and the backend swung around and slammed into the embankment on the opposite side of the road. my sister and i are just fine with some minor headaches from the impact. we definitely panicked and i kept saying, "it's okay...it's okay."

there were a total of three cars that stopped to ask if we were okay. one van had two men in it and they made sure we were fine and knew that our parents were coming so they went on their way. two other vehicles stopped and started calling the police and slowing down traffic. one man was the nicest man in the world and went up the hill to direct traffic since we were in such a blind spot area. the police showed up, two ambulances, the fire department... it was a mess. the jeep was stuck pretty good in the ditch and up onto the embankment. after about an hour of figuring out what needed to be done and a trip into the ambulance to make sure my sister and i were okay, the kind man offered to use his truck to pull my jeep out. the one thing we were all scared of was if the jeep was going to be drivable or not. the way it looked wasn't too good. underneath the back tires, it all looked bent, but he got the jeep out and my dad drove it home without a problem. the back bumper is a little sad looking...but i'm able to take it back to school.

i wasn't fully aware of how serious the situation was until after i got home. something seriously horrible could have happened. there could have been an oncoming car, which i would have hit. the airbags could have gone off and probably seriously injured my sister and me who weigh nothing. we could have gone off the cliff. jenifer could have been injured. i just kept thinking of all of these things that could have happened and i cried a good while about it. i was scared, embarrassed, emotional, anxious. i didn't get any sleep last night at all and i needed my mom to drive me to my doctor's appointment because i was terrified to get back behind the wheel.

then i keep being reminded that God saved us. He saved us BIG TIME. He made sure we didn't go off the cliff, He made sure there wasn't any traffic behind or in front of us, He kept jenifer and me safe from harm, and He saved the vehicle. everything was in God's hands. yes, the situation was bad and not fair, but bad things happen to good people because there is evil in this world. God made sure the evil didn't take us and i am so glad He did. we are alive and untouched because our Lord put His hand on our vehicle.

which brings me to my next bible journaling verse.

"the name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into and is safe." proverbs 18:10.

there will be horrible events in life that seem unfair. there will be scary events. we can either go through these times without God and be controlled by the evil or we can run to God's arms and be protected through His grace during the bad. yesterday was a good reminder of how i need to put my faith in God and trust that He will bring me to safety through everything. i can't imagine going through yesterday without Him.


jrw

1 corinthians 14:33

my mom recently introduced me to this facebook group called journaling bible community. thousands of women are members of this group with more being introduced by the hour. this is a group of Christian women who doodle all sorts of beautiful things in their bibles. some bibles are normal ones, but i was introduced to a note-takers bible, which has margins on the sides of the page big enough to write notes. i received my new bible a few days ago, but only had time today to work in it. many people choose a verse that pops out at them and then they draw, write, etc. whatever they feel God is speaking to them. it's really beautiful.

the verse that i chose is my favorite verse, which is 1 corinthians 14:33. this became my favorite verse when i was a junior in high school. my family moved to a small town called kansas, oklahoma where a ministry called cookson hills christian ministries is located. this ministry is a small Christian campus that offers help, hope, and healing to children and families in crisis. basically, if there are children/teens in trouble or are needing to be removed from a bad situation, they are placed at cookson into homes where strong Christian parents reside as house parents. you can read more about it here: https://www.cooksonhills.org/. my parents had grown up knowing and hearing about cookson through their churches and the same with me and my siblings. i wasn't the happiest 16 year old when we moved there, but my parents knew that God was calling them to join this ministry. i had a very hard first five months until i finally started to open up and make friends. cookson changed my life for the better.

there was a woman there named linda and she was my english teacher for the two years that i attended the school that was on cookson's campus. i remember i was having the absolute worst day any 16 year old could have and i walked into english where linda had written another verse on the board behind her desk. she did this every single day. some days the verses wouldn't make sense to me and some days they would. the verse that day made me cry.

"for God is not the author of confusion, but of peace." 

such a tiny, simple verse, but oh it hit me hard. i believe we all take this tiny passage for granted. do you understand it? God...your God...is not the author of confusion. God doesn't put the confusion, worry, and stress into your life. the ugly prince of this world does. God may see the bigger picture at times and we only see a portion, which can lead to confusion and question, but in the end we always see peace as the result. no matter what the situation may be. i've never been in a confusing state of mind or situation that has been left open ended or that has been crushed. it may be years down the road where i realize that, yes, i was brought peace, but the peace is always there.

i'm rambling, but this is so important to me. God is the pure Author of peace.

linda passed away quite recently and i still bless her to this day for bringing this verse into my life. linda was one of the most amazing women i have gotten the chance to know. she was such a strong believer and follower of Christ. she constantly encouraged me and every other person that crossed her path. she encouraged and prayed for my mom when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. linda was the one to tell my family and me that everything was going to be just fine because God was in control. she had His peace like no other. her passing was sudden and i was in shock, but the first thing that came to my mind was that God brought her the peace that she needed.


jrw

finding contentment

i've been attending life church and they just started a new series called #struggles. i really hate the title, but it does make sense. the series is about the jealousy, envy, self-consciousness, and every other negative emotion that comes with social media. while there are positives to social media, the negatives are what we don't see everyday or notice in our own lives. my social media struggles have been apparent to me for a while, so i know that God is wanting me to really pay attention to this series.

there are people out there (more than you know...maybe even yourself) who get on social media and then feel discouraged by what they see. maybe their house is bigger and nicer than yours, maybe her shoe collection is better than yours, maybe they seem to have a lot of money and you don't... things like this get under our skin sometimes without us noticing. well, i finally noticed and it's so true. i don't get depressed, but i do get frustrated at times to see someone's seemingly perfect life even though i know it's not that perfect. 90% of the time, that person you're feeling envy or negativity towards doesn't have a very perfect life. they're just as broken as any of the rest of us. even though i know without a doubt that i have a beautiful and loving family who is always there for me and stronger than ever, and i have the most loving boyfriend who i'm hoping to marry, and i have a great education, a roof over my head, clothes, a car... sometimes i still see someone else's life on social media and get frustrated. i think i'm more frustrated with the fact at how other people view this as the perfect life, when i see the truth. sometimes it's merely all about perception.

a few verses to start that sermon series were:

     2 corinthians 10:12 - we do not dare classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. when they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.

     james 3:14-16 - but if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. for where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

     proverbs 15:15 - all the days of the oppressed are wretched, but the cheerful heart has continual feast.

     ecclesiastes 6:9 - better what the eye sees than the roving of the appetite. this too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

     philippians 4:12-13 - i know what it is to be in need, and i know what it is to have plenty. i have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. i can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.

that last verse always makes me nervous. so many take that last part and use it to the extreme and way out of context and so i'm scared to use it, but listen... when you keep it in context, it makes absolute perfect sense. paul explains that he has found the secret, the only way to be content, and that is through Christ who gives him strength.

i can only find true contentment through my Christ who gives me the strength. 

so i'm here to tell you that yes, i do struggle with some negative feelings while on social media, but guess what? God is in my heart and is telling me that with Him, i can be content. i don't need 100 likes on instagram and i don't need a thousand friends on facebook. these things haven't been issues with me, but they are very common with a lot of others. once i heard someone say that they would delete a picture if it got less than 11 likes. this is what society has gotten us to and it's sad. let's stand with Christ and find our contentment with him because listen...full and lasting contentment can ONLY be found in CHRIST. you may think having a lot of money makes you pretty happy. feel that tiny empty space in your heart and gut? that's where Jesus should be and only he can fill it. not money, not a big house, not the hottest boyfriend, not your family. only God.


jrw

much needed

i've been gone for a long while. the end of the school semester was just about as intense as anything, but i made it through just fine. i've also made a move to a new house and that was a journey all in itself! still working on unpacking and getting my room just the way i like it.

there are quite a few things going on in my life right now.

i turned 21 at the end of june and even before that i was putting my life into perspective, as i always do. but this time i made a definite choice. a choice i've been needing to make for a while. i'm stepping away from music theatre. this scares me so much, but i'm also thrilled about what's to come. in my life, music theatre has been the huge focus and goal for me. i stepped away once to try and sort my personal life out, but then i found myself as the lead in Singin' in the Rain! my heart is so drawn to this art and i will always cherish and adore it. but i'm growing up and my priorities are changing quite a bit. i'm realizing that, for me, music theatre is not practical for my future. i won't give it up completely. i'd love to involve myself in community theatres. i just know that in the end, all i want to be is a wife and a stay at home mom. that may sound cheesy, but i adore it. i want to be a good wife and loving mother. i realized that i don't need a degree in musical theatre to achieve that. what i do need is time. music theatre doesn't offer that up too often. i need time to work so that i can save up for my beautiful future. i will say that i am going to continue voice lessons with my wonderful voice teacher, Dr. Streets. my voice is very important to me and i know i have so much more to learn and grow.

i'll be getting my general studies degree, which also involves getting 36 hours in other academic areas. as i've gotten half of those hours out of the way with music, i will focus on taking business classes for future photography needs. i do plan on continuing my photography. i believe i can really make something of myself with the art. i want to turn into more than simply a hobby. so that's where the business classes will come in, and yes, i hope to take a few photography classes along with that. i will begin saving up for a new camera, because the one i currently own doesn't quite fit my needs anymore.

prayers are appreciated as i take on this new chapter of my life. i feel at peace with my decision and i'm definitely happy with the thought of a near-future graduation instead of not knowing when i'd be done. everything is with God and i truly feel that He is holding my hand through all of this.


jrw

lovely

i just had to post one of jenifer's senior pictures. (i got permission to.) she's gorgeous and i'm really proud of the woman she's becoming. hopefully she's seen and learned from my mistakes to skip all that nonsense and continue blooming.

still here

i do fall off the blog planet every now and then. i need to catch up with my proverbs posts, which i will do over time. this month has been a little hectic and there hasn't been much time to sit down and write.

this semester is close to being over, which means i'll be a little MIA, but once it's officially over, i'll have enough time to breathe.

a few things that have been going on:
          • i visited my family about a week ago and took my sister's senior pictures. i'm still in the processing of editing them, but she's gorgeous.
          • during this visit, i attended levi's best friend's (dylan) wedding.
          • the past week i've been going to school at 9, finishing class at 5, going straight to work, and coming home at 11. let's just say i'm exhausted and suffocated with homework.
          • last night i was told that my gramps passed away. i broke down pretty bad, but he was suffering for a long time with multiple things and i know it's much better for him now that he's with Jesus. i love my gramps and i'll miss him, but he's happier now.
          • i'm going to be a kid wrangler/kid swing for edmond summerstock's production of peter pan and i'm pretty excited. i'll be learning all the tracks for the kids and i can't wait.
          • i auditioned for edmond's upstage theatre's forever after parties a few weeks ago. forever after parties provides disney princes and princesses for hire to appear at children's birthday parties. i was called back for rapunzel, anna, tinker bell, wendy, and alice. the audition went really well and i'll hear back from them at the beginning of may. fingers crossed.
          • my sister is in costa rica right now for her senior trip/missions trip. so proud of her. send prayers for my sister and her team as they show and share God's love.
          • for anyone who knows me, you'll be surprised that i am enrolled for a second year at UCO....i know, it's weird. two years at one school? who does that... me now, i guess! i'll still be striving towards my music theatre degree and i'm hoping to graduate the fall of 2016.

i think that's all the updates i have for right now. i'll be posting proverbs posts every now and then so be on a lookout for those. thanks to everyone who reads these. i know it's mainly my mom and her friends, but that's cool. i appreciate you guys.


jrw

proverbs six

on april sixth i read proverbs chapter six.

short and sweet on this one.

16-19

there are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him:

haughty eyes,

a lying tongue,

hands that shed innocent blood,

a heart the devises wicked schemes,

feet that are quick to rush into evil,

a false witness who pours out lies

and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.

jrw

proverbs five

on april fifth i read proverbs chapter five.

now, solomon is speaking of the dangers of adultery. while everything he says is true, this doesn't quite speak to me in that way. i'm not trying to take things completely out of context, but i chose a few verses to point out.

11-14

at the end of your life you will groan,

when your flesh and body are spent.

you will say,

"how i hated discipline! how my heart spurned correction!

i would not obey my teachers or listen to my instructors.

i have come to the brink of utter ruin in the midst of the whole assembly."

23

he [man] will die for his lack of discipline,

led astray by his own great folly.

life is scary. there is a whole lot of responsibility staring us right in the face every day. God gave us authority here on earth and He desires for us to obey that authority. that's being teachers, instructors, coaches, parents, elders, lawmakers, the president, etc. we have all these people that we are meant to listen to and obey. yes, we don't all share the same morals and beliefs...that's fine. we are still responsible for acknowledging that, although we are all equal humans, these people are above us in authority. it's hard for me to write this because i don't agree with the majority of what obama is doing while he is in office, but he is the president of the united states and i'm required by my Father to submit to my authority. that doesn't mean i have to agree with everything obama says or is, but it's my responsibility to acknowledge obama as my authority and submit to the laws of the land. it's still hard for me to write this.

none of us want to be destroyed by our own stupidity in life. that's what verse 23 is talking about. being led astray by our own folly. folly: lack of good sense, foolishness. in other words: being dumb. there is no time for us to rebel our authority here on earth. there is no time to follow the prince of this world into the crooked paths of evil and ruin. we are here for a short time and we don't want to be before God and see our lives being crumpled by our own stupidity. it's simple, but it's hard. i don't like or agree with all of my teachers (okay just one...) but that person is still my teacher and i still have to accept them as my authority. seriously, guys....this whole post is hard for me to accept and type! life is hard. God never intended for life to be a breeze. you now why? so we could see that we need Him. it's as simple as that.

i don't know what more i can say about this. dish in with your comments. this is a hard topic for everyone.

jrw 

proverbs four

on april fourth i read proverbs chapter four.

king solomon continues to speak of the amazing importance of wisdom in this chapter and for good reason. we need it! i can't even stress that enough. i fall off the path every so often and i forget to hold wisdom near my heart, but that isn't any excuse for someone else to follow my ways. follow the ways of the wise, follow the ways of our Savior.

7

wisdom is supreme;

therefore get wisdom.

though it cost all that you have,

get understanding.

that last part is what i have the most trouble with. getting understanding... i sometimes forget how important it is to understand others around me. i don't know what they're going through. granted, we as humans aren't perfect and never will be in this body, so we have limits to ourselves, but we always need to strive to understand situations and understand those around us. as hard as that truly, truly is.

20-27

my son,

pay attention to what i say;

listen closely to my words.

do not let them out of your sight,

keep them within your heart;

for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body.

above all else, guard your heart,

for it is the wellspring of life.

put away perversity from your mouth;

keep corrupt talk far from your lips.

let your eyes look straight ahead,

fix your gaze directly before you.

make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm.

do not swerve to the right or the left;

keep your foot from evil.

alright, not only do we have the task of keeping wisdom in our hearts/minds and maintaining understanding of others, we have to keep on the path to righteousness. no paths to evil, corruption, temptation, wrong doing. well, we deal with this every single day. we make choices every second of our lives. it's hard to continue on the right path, the path that lives to a Godly life. there is so much to say about what to stay away from, but that's up to the individual person. only they know their temptations and hardships to overcome. so let me throw this thought out there: stay away from unhealthy people. now i don't mean don't ever talk to them or be a shining star for God. heck no, keep doing that! these people may need Him the most. what i'm saying is, for us to continue on our paths to righteousness, we need to guard ourselves, as well. there are some people (we've all had them in our lives) who constantly drag us down or bring us to their level. i am living proof of that. you may be trying to share the gospel with them, but sometimes we aren't quite strong enough to keep ourselves above water. growing up, i was always taught that if you stand on a chair, it is easy for a person below you to pull you down and it's a lot harder to pull that person up onto the chair with you. it happens every day. even if it's as simple as someone's mood being awful, it can rub off on you too and cause your day to be dreadful. God wants us to share Him with every single human being that we can, but He also wants us to remain healthy in Him and sometimes that means detaching yourself from certain others. this person may be your best friend, but if you struggle with remaining in Christ because of what this person does or how they act, you need to distance yourself from them. there are times where we need to look after others and there are times where we need to look after ourselves. keep that in mind. i could ramble about this all day. i transferred a college to get away from unhealthy situations for crying out loud. it's important. take care of others, but take special care of your spiritual life.

jrw

proverbs three

on april third i read proverbs chapter three.

these verses are amazing and very encouraging for this certain point in my life.

3-4

let love and faithfulness never leave you;

bind them around your neck,

write them on the tablet of your heart.

then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.

this is simply a great reminder that my faith needs to live with me every second of every day. the same with love. yes, we may not all like everyone, but we are called to love everyone. it's hard at times, but we are all brothers and sisters in Christ. it's important that we remember that.

7-8

do not be wise in your own eyes;

fear the Lord and shun evil.

this will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

i just love this because it's what i was saying in a previous post. even simply reading a few verses a day made me happier. i let the Lord in and shape my heart for His glory. even that can strengthen you and give you nourishment. we can diet, we can cleanse, but nothing can compare to the spiritual health we receive when we are walking with God.

jrw

proverbs two

on april second i read proverbs chapter two.

these verses continue with my last proverbs post.

1-5

my son, 

if you accept my words and store up my commands with you,

turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding,

and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding,

and if you look for it as for hidden treasure,

then you will understand the fear of the Lord

and find the knowledge of God.

10-15

for wisdom will enter your heart,

and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.

discretion will protect you,

and understanding will guard you.

wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men,

from men whose words are perverse,

who leave the straight paths to walk in dark ways,

who delight in doing wrong and rejoice in the perverseness of evil,

whose paths are crooked and who are devious in their ways.

21-22

for the upright will live in the land,

and the blameless will remain in it;

but the wicked will be cut off from the land,

and the unfaithful will be torn from it.

wisdom is powerful.

jrw

proverbs one, philippians two

i'm rewinding a little bit to catch up on my proverbs readings.

april first i read proverbs chapter one. the verses that stuck out to me the most were 20-22. 

wisdom calls aloud in the street,

she raises her voice in the public squares;

at the head of the noisy street she cries out,

in the gateways of the city she makes her speech:

"how long will you simple ones love your simple ways?

how long will mockers delight in mockery

and fools hate knowledge?"

God's wisdom is one of the greatest treasures we could have, yet we ignore wisdom daily. even if it's only in our hearts. this passage speaks to me in the area of hard heartedness. i have a case of that every so often when i'm tired, stressed, and overwhelmed. i become irritable and less friendly. i ignore wisdom and let my own rude thoughts consume me. why? it doesn't make me happier. it doesn't accomplish anything. why can't i simply listen to wisdom and grow as an adult? letting wisdom into my heart and mind will give me peace, understanding, and happiness. it seems so simple, but it really is very hard. some days you want to let your grouchy mood take over and not deal with anything, but that will only cause unhappiness and heartache to you and anyone else who is a witness of it. i want to grow spiritually and mentally through the wisdom God grants me. we all need to consider how listening to wisdom can affect us for the better. 

in my devotional time, i also read philippians 2:14-16.

do everything without complaining or arguing,

so that you may become blameless and pure,

children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation,

in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life..

this spoke wonders to me when i read it. as believers, our main goal is to shine for Christ. is it not? shine for our Father and preach His name. i take this passage to heart. it's such a conviction for me. i do complain a lot and although i don't necessarily argue, i know there are times where i should hold my tongue. and isn't it interestingly sad to see how the world was crooked and depraved even 2000 some years ago? our world will never get better, i can tell you that right now. world peace? what a joke. the devil is the prince here and he will destroy this world until it's last days. let's not get sucked up into this earth. we don't truly belong here so what's the point in letting the devil rule us? shine for Christ! be the light in the utter darkness that satan has laid out. Christ is the word of life and we need to be the stars that shine for Him.

jrw

new journey

we’re all on a new journey. whether that be in school, in a career, at home. right now for me, my newest journey has been majoring in music theatre at the university of central oklahoma. i’m just now closing in on my first year at uco and it’s definitely been a wild ride so far. this is technically my third year of college. my freshman year was spent at northeastern oklahoma a&m college and my sophomore year was spent at ozark christian college. needless to say, i do believe i’m where i’m supposed to be now. all of those places got me to where i am today, which is wonderful, but now i’m really feeling my life begin.

there are still moments where i question my decision to major in music theatre. i had a freak out during last fall break where i wanted to switch to a major where i knew there might be more financial stability, but singing is my first true passion and i wouldn’t give that up for the world. i know that music theatre is where i shine and bloom, but i often think of what my life will be like in five or ten years. honestly, i probably won’t be doing a whole lot of performing and i’m okay with that. i’m currently dating the most amazing man, levi, and his first passion is enlisting in the army. i am behind him 100% of the way, no doubt about it. and i want to be with him wherever he is, which means in about five or ten years, i’ll probably be living on a military base with less opportunity to perform. i’m just fine with this. i will always have my voice and i know that God will provide opportunities for me.

so sometimes knowing this, i get into a slump at school. i get unmotivated and think ‘what’s the point?’ but i know i’m where i need to be for this moment and i need to strive to do my best every single day. recently, i’ve been a little moody and closed off. i’m naturally a introvert (ha, a music theatre major an introvert??) and that plus my loss of motivation, i’ve become an unpleasant person in my eyes. my friends may beg to differ, but only i know what’s really going on in my heart. that’s when i realized that God was really tugging at me. a few days ago, i began getting up early enough before class to make some coffee and read devotionals and my bible. i cannot tell you how much happier i’ve been throughout my days because of it! God is absolutely incredible. even just reading a chapter in proverbs a day or reading one single verse, my whole attitude towards school and life in general has changed for the better. on my morning journeys with God, i hope to share with you my thoughts on what i’ve read and just how awesome our Father truly is.

i also want to use this blog to ramble, possibly rant, and enjoy life. i have ideas in my head, dreams i’ve had, thoughts i’ve wanted to express and i want to use this opportunity to write everything out. i do think it will help me motivationally and also therapeutically.

if you’re on this journey with me right now, just hold tight because i can get a little distracted/absent at times. but i hope you enjoy my stories.

jrw

updated

i'm going to start this blog back up again. at first i wanted to delete my other posts, but they're just as important to me. so yes, there is about a year plus gap between posts, but just go with it. i'm a new me and i want to share my life with you.

at first my blog was called 'my radical abandonment' and i still want to pursue that mindset, but i wanted to change the title because i'm changing too. the girl in the picture still has a pixie cut even though i don't anymore, but i think it's cute so there's that. :)

jrw